a letter to my son

Dear Son,

 
before you came
life was bleak, opaque
it seemed like i couldn’t move on anymore
i wanted to die
but then i’ll touch that big round pouch and i’ll get the strength to carry on
at least for one more day.
the next day
memories, bad memories come tearing me apart
and i really, really want to give up
but then you’ll kick just at that moment
to remind me that you’re with me always.
i couldn’t wait for you to come
i was so so anxious to see you.

 
years have passed now
but i remember that day like it was yesterday
it was so painful
i almost gave up
but i so wanted to see you
i wanted to love you
i wanted to forget the pain, the regrets, the betrayal, the heartaches
i knew you were going to be my saviour.
with these thoughts,
i pushed with determination as i screamed out in pain
and you came out
i looked at you and i laughed and i cried and i laughed
i couldn’t stop
oh God- it was you!
you were here at last
and you were so beautiful.
our first night together, i stayed and watched you sleep
i couldn’t believe that you came out of me
that you were all mine.

 
from that day,
you gave my life a new meaning
i had a reason-
to live
to laugh
to dance
to live again.
you are my laughter and my joy
my today and my tomorrow
my love and my life
you are my Son, my baby boy!

now, after so many years
when you look at me and smile,
these lyrics of this song comes to my head-

“thought I’d seen everything there was to see in this world
Now I’m not so sure I’ve really seen anything at all
I thought life could show me no surprises
And then you came and showed me I was wrong
I thought I’d been everywhere
I’ve climbed a mountain so high,
sailed the sea,
crossed the sky
And still I was nowhere at all,
until that day, you came to my senses
And your smile,
it made sense out of it all
I have seen the bluest skies,
rainbows that would make you cry
I have seen miracles that moved my soul,
days that changed my life
I have seen the brightest stars
shine like diamonds in the dark
Seen all the wonders of the world,
but I’ve never seen a smile
As beautiful as yours”

Thank you for choosing me
I love you
your mama

myLaughter

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4 Comments

  1. Joy, this was extremely touching. What an endearing letter to your son. I loved that he was your “savior.” Life can be catastrophic at times but its those who live within our hearts and give us the strength to carry on. Your son is blessed to have you as his mother.

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    1. As a young girl and pregnant out of wedlock years ago, it was really challenging especially in the society I grew up in, so he was my “savior”, the boy who brought laughter and hope to my chaotic life and yes anytime I want to give up, that smile just won’t let me! Thanks @GinaStoneheart for stopping by!

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      Reply

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