Rewriting my story | Not going to ask again for permission to change my life!

I pressed play and I heard these words:

You are your rescue, no one else is going to rescue you. Stop seeking permission by asking- “Can I be great?”, “Can I be brilliant?”, “Can I change?”- STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION! Make a decision to turn your life around- this is a choice nobody can make for you. It has got to be YOUR CHOICE!

Dont-need-your-permission-to-change-my-life2-JoyEzeka

Ah! That word right there was for me! And I decided today to stop asking for permission and go on ahead and be great. So I’m going to start with these 3 steps:

1. BELIEVE.  I’ve got to have unwavering faith, believe in myself, believe that I CAN DO IT and switch off the evil negative voices in my head.

2. PLAN. Make sure it is actionable steps. Set milestones. I’m going to start with baby steps. I’ve always made the mistake of setting big goals (ain’t nothing wrong with setting big goals) but I realised that I tend to fail quickly when I set big goals. So I am going to set little goals and increase them as I go on this journey.

Some of my goals:

  • I need to lose 15 kg before my birthday May 30th. I got about 10 weeks before that, so each week I am going to work towards loosing 1.5 kg and probably increase my milestone as my body gets use to exercising! Wow! Let me go look for my running shoes!
  • I want to revive my relationship with God and spend some more time with Him. So instead of setting a goal to read the whole bible in one year, I have decided to set weekly goals- Choose a chapter a week and as I get consistent, increase the chapters I read and the time I spend meditating.

3. ACCOUNTABILITY. When you are accountable to someone, you tend to see your goal through. I also need to tackle that fear of failure and indecisiveness and hold myself accountable too. So please, please my dear friends:

“Don’t hold me accountable to the woman that I am. Hold me accountable to the woman that I am becoming”. 

Transformation is a mental state. It’s a conscious decision. I don’t need your permission to change neither should you ask me for my permission. I’ve got to really really quit looking for validation from other people! Seriously!

Wanting to transform and change some aspects of my life is sure not an easy decision to make but it’s one decision I got to make. I need to make some drastic changes concerning my health and I am really struggling balancing my business, my health and my family life. I also need to grow my business to a point where finances can be steady. Yeah I need to change all this, I’ve known for a long time but today I had to access my life and find out what seemed to be holding me back and in the past when I tried to change why didn’t it work?

  • Where there patterns in my life that I seemed to be repeating over and over again?
  • How do I want to define my life?
  • What do I see as the meaning or purpose of my existence?
  • Why is balance in my life, health and family so important to me?
  • How do I want to be remembered?

And then I had to ask myself ‘WHY’ I want to make these changes? Why is it so important? Here’s some of my why’s:

  • I want to give my son the best life, more than what I had. Be able to provide him with teachable moments that will make him grow into a strong and successful man.
  • Without good health, it would be difficult to be there as a mother and wife. I want to live long and enjoy life to the fullest.
  • Money don’t buy you love or happiness but can sure make life more comfortable! I need to make more money, so I need to take actionable steps to grow my company.
  • I am tired of struggling, I know I can rewrite my story.
  • Growing my business will encourage women who are about to give up and inspire them to persevere. They’ll hear my story and be so inspired to forge ahead -and yes my story is sure interesting!

Knowing my ‘WHY’ encourages me to take the first step to rewriting my story and be willing to make lots of sacrifices along the way. This is scary but it’s so going to be worth it! I am ready to change my story and change my life.

When you’ve reached rock bottom, broke and broken, GET UP & PRESS RESET!- Lisa Nichols

Thank you Lisa Nichols

If we were having coffee | T’was time to walk away

If we were having coffee, I would still be dazed that you are sitting in front of me! I always imagined that it will take a century for me to see you again and I always wondered how I would feel. Funny enough I am a bit calm- a bit! You ask me how I’ve been. As usual I start talking immediately- you know how to make me talk! I tell you about the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion post I wrote and how my post had an effect I had no idea that it will and as I read the comments coming in, I didn’t know what to do.  As much as I was happy for the attention, I mean it’s the first time I have written something that got such recognition but something was happening inside me. There were places and events in my past I didn’t want to go to. I didn’t want to think and then it hit me that maybe it was time I show compassion to the one person who really needed it- me and I would love to write more on compassion…I stop talking…I kinda made a vow to myself never to over share my life with you again- been there, done that, been burnt. You tell me not to worry that I will come up with something like I always do and that I am the best. You have a way with words, comforting words especially when it comes to me and then I started going into my jelly mode but I mentally shake myself back to reality.

You notice my far away look and ask me if I am not happy to see you. I tell you that I am, really, but I still can’t get past the fact that when you were around I didn’t seem to mean much to you but now you seem to have my time. I tell you it’s confusing.You stare at your half-drunk-coffee and don’t say anything and I stare at my not-drunk-coffee and remember that our first ‘date’ was actually over coffee…

tick, tock, tick, tock

I stare at you over the table and smile… Damn! There was a time that when we had coffee together we talked so much about everything and anything. There was a time that no single day went by that I didn’t think of you with such intensity that hurt me but when you graduated, had your family over and didn’t invite me and left the country without saying goodbye, that broke me… took me a long time to get over that… but here you are, sitting across me and we really don’t have much to say to each other.

tick, tock, tick, tock

We stare at each other for a while, you put your hands over mine. For a moment, I went blank, the world stood still and sitting across me was the guy that I loved so much and I was willing to give up everything for…. I took my hand away from yours, looked away, asked for the bill, paid, looked at you and told you that it was nice to see you again. You look at me with sad eyes and I really wanted to stay but I knew it was time to put this behind me. You ask me if you can see me again…pause… I said I didn’t think so. We can’t have coffee again, together.

I walked away and didn’t look back.

If We Were Having Coffee‘, a weekly blog share and link up hosted by Part-Time Monster.