If we were having coffee | T’was time to walk away

If we were having coffee, I would still be dazed that you are sitting in front of me! I always imagined that it will take a century for me to see you again and I always wondered how I would feel. Funny enough I am a bit calm- a bit! You ask me how I’ve been. As usual I start talking immediately- you know how to make me talk! I tell you about the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion post I wrote and how my post had an effect I had no idea that it will and as I read the comments coming in, I didn’t know what to do.  As much as I was happy for the attention, I mean it’s the first time I have written something that got such recognition but something was happening inside me. There were places and events in my past I didn’t want to go to. I didn’t want to think and then it hit me that maybe it was time I show compassion to the one person who really needed it- me and I would love to write more on compassion…I stop talking…I kinda made a vow to myself never to over share my life with you again- been there, done that, been burnt. You tell me not to worry that I will come up with something like I always do and that I am the best. You have a way with words, comforting words especially when it comes to me and then I started going into my jelly mode but I mentally shake myself back to reality.

You notice my far away look and ask me if I am not happy to see you. I tell you that I am, really, but I still can’t get past the fact that when you were around I didn’t seem to mean much to you but now you seem to have my time. I tell you it’s confusing.You stare at your half-drunk-coffee and don’t say anything and I stare at my not-drunk-coffee and remember that our first ‘date’ was actually over coffee…

tick, tock, tick, tock

I stare at you over the table and smile… Damn! There was a time that when we had coffee together we talked so much about everything and anything. There was a time that no single day went by that I didn’t think of you with such intensity that hurt me but when you graduated, had your family over and didn’t invite me and left the country without saying goodbye, that broke me… took me a long time to get over that… but here you are, sitting across me and we really don’t have much to say to each other.

tick, tock, tick, tock

We stare at each other for a while, you put your hands over mine. For a moment, I went blank, the world stood still and sitting across me was the guy that I loved so much and I was willing to give up everything for…. I took my hand away from yours, looked away, asked for the bill, paid, looked at you and told you that it was nice to see you again. You look at me with sad eyes and I really wanted to stay but I knew it was time to put this behind me. You ask me if you can see me again…pause… I said I didn’t think so. We can’t have coffee again, together.

I walked away and didn’t look back.

If We Were Having Coffee‘, a weekly blog share and link up hosted by Part-Time Monster.